H is for Hawk - MacDonald

It’s been two weeks since I finished this book, “H is for Hawk”.  Typically I can write a review quickly as I form a lot of opinions and write about the book in my head as I read.  I might even have my review written by the time I finish the last page.  Then I just need to quickly write down my thoughts before I forget. With this book, however, even when I closed the cover I had nothing coherent written in my head. Not even close. I knew what she was doing but even two weeks later I’m still not sure how to express her quest and her transformation in writing...but it’s time to get it done so I’ll begin with something easy...the title.  Helen MacDonald named her book “H is for Hawk”.  There is nothing in her writing that is remotely suggestive as to why she chose this title...other than literally to say “H” is for Hawk.  I’m not buying it.  I believe Helen is for Hawk, or more correctly “H” is for Helen.  It seems to me it was necessary to remind herself in the title of her book that “H” was, in fact, for Hawk. It’s the only thing that makes sense.  That statement requires some explanation.  After her father died, which really is the impetus behind the story,  MacDonald slipped away from humanity, and into the life of her goshawk, Mabel. As she struggled to train the most difficult bird within the fascinating world of falconry, her despair deepened.  Eventually she slipped into a depression.  There is a similar despair prevalent in the writings of T.H. White.  T.H. White you say? The author of the “The Once and Future King”? The author who created, Merlin, the magician? The author who spawned most modern day depictions of King Arthur and his court as well as several generations of medieval role playing D&D geeks?  “The Sword in the Stone” anyone?  Yes, T.H. White.  And as it turns out T.H White wrote more than just medieval fiction.  He also wrote books that included subjects that can only be described as of the “50 Shades of Gray” variety.  And, in addition, he wrote a book about raising a hawk to hunt...but not just any hawk...a goshawk, just like Helen MacDonald.  I don’t just happen to know these facts, MacDonald provides these details in this book.  In many ways “H” is for Hawk is an almost complete retelling of this older text which T.H. White, entitled “Goshawk”.  The book was on MacDonald shelf as she obsessed over falconry as a child and later would take it up as a hobby.  It was only after her father’s death that she decided to train the most difficult of these hunting birds, the goshawk, and revealing her obsession, turned to the writings of T.H. White to use his book as a guide.  She relives and retells  his story as she tells us her story.

This book, then, is also a journey. Thus as you travel through its pages it delivers you someplace you never expected.  Some of it very dark as MacDonald sorts through her emotions and struggles to take a wild bird and make her less wild.  It has been known for hundreds of years, that while you can train a wild bird to hunt, you can’t train the wild out of the bird.  These birds, if they so choose, could return to the wild on their own and live happy and productive bird lives.  Many of them do.  Which is why you learn it is necessary to attach multiple bells to your bird and at least two radio transmitters, just in case, despite all your hard work, the bird decides on its own to become wild again.  It happens that quick.  But as she struggles you are led to wonder if she is training the goshawk to be tame or if the goshawk is training her to be wild.

It’s complicated...so let me tell you how she weaves multiple stories together.  Here are the ones I pulled out of the text.

How to train a goshawk

The stages of grief when coping with the loss 

The retelling of the book “Goshawk” by T.H. White

The biography of T.H. White

The narrow edge between being wild and not being wild

The morality of living, let living, and the taking of life

The search for Merlin the magician

Turning into a goshawk

For any author to be able to pull this off in a coherent manner is a testament to her literary skills.  She had a vision that doesn’t manifest until the end.  But if you read carefully and look at these story threads you can fashion several clues together...not the least subtle of which occurs when she was a young girl and wants to become a hawk even going so far as to sleep with her arms behind her back as wings.  Later, with her fixation on Merlin, and his ability to change “The Once and Future King” into various animal forms, one of which was a hawk, it is clear she is on a quest, a bit more subtle.  When she finds Merlin’s cabin in the woods, it’s almost as if she has transformed internally into being a hawk, and was always searching for Merlin so his magic would complete her transformation physically.  Spoiler alert...she finds Merlin, and with this great discovery, comes back to the real world, and, perhaps not fully healed from the loss of her father, she can begin to live again…as a human...not as a hawk.  But can there  be any doubt, “H” was and is for Helen? 

Keep in mind this book is nonfiction.  A modern day quest for Merlin? What a surprise read this year...one that will stick with me for the rest of my life.  Start with 5 stars for an amazing story and should I choose to ever train a goshawk I will know where to begin.  But I will deduct ½  star because of repetition in goshawk training and another ½ star on far too much biography on T.H. White.  I think most criticism of this book from other reviewers could be cleaned up by reducing it in these two areas... Nevertheless everything else she has achieved in the book has made it a best-seller.  Four stars overall.